I dreamt of an old lover last night. We had one of those relationships where you know all along the you love more than your beloved. It was a very physical relationship. In a good way. Big sigh. We had the same view of life, the same taste in entertainment, food and books. There was so much going right. We'd been together four years when she broke up with me...kinda out of the blue. She did not give me a reason. I was flummoxed, heartbroken. Ten days later I went out and hooked up with someone else. I refused to pine away which had been a life long pattern of mine. As much as I loved her I refused to suffer ad infinitum.... or for a month.
A month ago I received a letter from her. The 4 yrs with the hook-up ended in March 08. She wanted back into my life.... I'm not sure for what exactly. We began to exchange emails, catching one another up on what'd been going on in each other's lives. We where volleying twice a day or more. I was hoping, just maybe she was wanting to get back together. I would have been very happy to simply get back to bed with her. That always worked for us. Then out of the blue, without explanation the emails stopped. It's been two weeks. While I'm not heartbroken.. I am bruised. After a week of silence I let her know that although it was nice catching up I was ending the fledgling friendship. As I go about my day my mind wanders to why? and what's wrong with me ? I slap myself and think about something else. In an unguarded moments those questions return. That oh so human urge to beat ourselves up is very persistent.
Last night I dreamt that Donna was in my bedroom putting her things away in my drawers and hanging her clothes in my closet... making herself at home. I tried to talk to her but it was as if she was behind a glass wall. As I tried to get her attention I was interrupted by a knock at the door. There on my back steps where several good friends. It was so good to see their dear faces but I needed to get back to Donna. They tumbled into my kitchen, chatting happily as they sat around my table and started dealing out cards... dealing me a hand as I reluctantly sat down. I was drawn back to my bedroom like a moth to flame. There she was busy carving out a place in my life but having no need to communicate with me. It was as if she couldn't see me. As I opened my mouth to speak the door bell rang. Now my front doorsteps where crowded with friends and family. They hugged me and kissed me. They told me how they'd missed me as they flowed into my house. Then the alarm clock sounded.
Well you don't have to be a shrink to figure out that dream eh? I woke all warm and squishy. I have so much love in my life. I need to continue to move toward the love and not look back lest I be transformed into a pillar of salt. It's a great feeling to get clarification from a dream... it shows me that I do know what's best for me. I just need to speak to me when my guard is down... then I really listen.
The photo is of the pups at 4 weeks with Mom.
Peace and love,
Thursday, November 20, 2008
Two days ago I finally RSVP to one of the many invitations sent to me on behalf of O-BAM-MA! (sorry can't stop) since Hillary conceded and I threw my full support behind our president-elect BO. The invitation read....
"Obama supporters in Canton are gathering to kick off a huge new campaign to help Barack pass a bold, progressive agenda. And we'll celebrate our win with good food and fun people! Try to be there!"
I am so happy that this PAC (political action committee) is taking advantage of all the momentum generated by the Obama machine to help our new pres make his political agendas a reality. Since I'm no longer bottle feeding a litter of 7 puppies I was happy to email that I would be there! Good food ? and fun people ? and the building of a new world. Who could resist? I didn't recognise the address in a near by town but I'm a good Girl Scout... I Googled the address and headed out at 6pm. It gets so dark so early in Greater Boston this time of year! It was hard to read the street signs while negotiating the traffic clogging drive thru lines at the Dunkin Donuts plopped down at every intersection between my home and The Orchard Cove Senior Assisted Living Condos in Canton. I did make it, albeit 15 minutes late, sans my double shot latte.
So? Older people I thought. Should I just stay in my car and go back home? I DON"T THINK SO! I'd put on my good and girly clothes not to mention make up and a manicure. I persevered. The young woman at the reception desk pointed towards a meeting room right off the main lobby. There was just one seat available and I took my place with the 30 assembled seniors. No food. No coffee. This group didn't look like much fun to me. I reminded my self that this was to help Obama implement his progressive policies!!! and I settled back and listened to the youngest person in the room (MoveOn.org volunteer) describe the things we could all do to make a difference.
It was quite a surprise to note that most of these people where very current on political issues. Most had already worked in a presidential campaign.... even if it was for George McGovern or Adelaide Stevenson. Most have PCs and email accounts. They're questions where intelligent and well thought out. All in all they where an astute bunch of commies. Ya gotta love that. At the end of the meeting a group photo was taken of all attendees standing or sitting in wheel chairs or leaning on their walkers 'round a white dry erase board on which was written in big red white and blue letters... WE STAND BEHIND PRESIDENT OBAMA FOR UNIVERSAL HEALTH CARE, GAY CIVIL RIGHTS and SAVE SOCIAL SECURITY. What a trip.
The campaign we agreed to participate in is called Fired UP! We where asked to go out into our communities with a dry erase board of our own and write our own reasons for standing with Obama and take pictures of our family members, friends and neighbors standing with the board as we had done as the meeting was ending. Then we where asked to email the photos to MoveOn.org in Washington DC. On Inaugural Day montages of these photos will be displayed all over the capital city on billboards and in subway stations and shopping centers.... everywhere. A million Americans standing with President Obama. Goosebumps!!!
To find a house party near you go to http://MoveOn.org/event/firedup. It's good to feel part of real change n America. I haven't felt this way since the 60s.
We won't get fooled AGAIN!
OK. So now that I'm Tweeting I need a blog to post photos and I need a place to EXPAND on all of my idea's and experiences. so here goes. Give me a day or so to get rolling. I've blogged at blogspot in the past but I need to brush up on new features et al.