Tuesday, August 18, 2009

Lesbians and Transmen. Fetish?

I am a member of an online group for transman,their allies, friends and lovers. On that site I moderate a group for transmen and lesbians. The following post is a one of my responses in a forum discussion about relationships between transmen (female to male transgenders) and lesbians. Two previous posters used the words fetish and creepy when speculating on why lesbians might be attracted to transmen.

My response from today.....
Thanks so much Sean for your well thought out reply. It gave me a chance to put my thoughts together because it s a perfect example of what I was alluding to when I posted this subject to the forum.

I must object to the use of the word fetish when talking about lesbians and transmen. Why is that word absent in discussions about gay men and transmen? Het women and transmen? I also challenge the use of the word "only". I have been active in the trans positive community for 10 years and I haven't come across anyone who seeks out transwomen or transmen exclusively for sex or LTR. I'm sure they are out there but they are not common. I must add that I would defend thier right to have consensual sex and relationships with anyone they chose to (as do you). That being said the use of the word fetish in this context and conversation is marginalizing and suggests that the desires of one group of people are suspect and that of other groups of people are not. When this word is used it is almost always targeted at a group of people by someone who is not attracted sexually to that particular group. (ex: Gay men about lesbians, Het men about queers and dykes about het men etc) We are less likely to objectify and marginalize someone we are hot for.
This line of thought leaves out one undeniable fact. Queer women are in bed with transmen because there is mutual attraction on many levels. Isn't that the great equalizer being ignored here? The transmen I have known and or loved adore women, be they lesbian, bi or st8. In addition, they don't want give up their LGBT membership cards. They still consider themselves part of the community even tho they dodge lots of "friendly fire" coming from that community.

I'd like to tell Armand and those who share his opinion of me... I have been a dyke, queer and outsider since I was a tyke in the sandbox. I have become accustomed to the greater society labeling me and my way of loving as "creepy". It's just so disturbing when the these attacks come people I still consider my allies. I'm grateful this forum gives me the opportunity to speak out.

Transmen and Friends is a site closed to non members. The general public cannot read this disscussion stream but if you would like to become a member you can go to the main page of the site to apply. http://transmenandfriends.ning.com/

No comments: